Attention Deficit Disorder and Me - A Self Realization.

Greetings from the "Forest" and welcome back to my blog page.  I'm into the second month of my journey and I really miss good beer and wine, and all the associations that go with it.  I loved the atmosphere of a brew pub and the taste of a full-bodied Arrogant Bastard Ale!  I've only jokingly suggested that Kandy and I open a bottle of wine, but I'm really doing fine.

Some of you my have heard me tell people that I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  I call it Double A, Double D.  Up until a few months ago, I used this tag line to explain some of the things I'm challenged with and more accurately, I've never been formally diagnosed.  But then in November of last year, Kandy and I were watching a show on public television called Add and Loving It!  As the somewhat familiar comedian and actor was walking down the streets of Vancouver, BC with his wife, they both discussed some of the traits and behavior characteristics in Patrick's condition, and it was at that moment, that Kandy and I looked at each other and I said, "Hey, that sounds a lot like me."

Patrick in this special interest feature was Patrick McKenna, someone I recognized from the RED, GREEN show.  I enjoyed the slapstick, dry humor of this show and caught up with a few seasons of it on Netflix.  But in the moment of catching this show on PBS, I became aware that I couldn't overlook the obvious similarities to Patrick's behavior and my own.  So I decided to do more research about ADD and realized that I'm pretty sure I have it.

First, lets talk about what ADD is.  Attention Deficit Disorder is a commonly referred to label for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.  Two common types of ADHD are ADHD-I (Inattentive) and ADHD-H (Hyperactive).  Without a professional diagnosis, I'd have to say that I have moderate ADHD-I with a slight history of hyperactivity probably related to sugar overdose as a child.  Most of what I remember as Hyperactive Behavior was merely unrecognized passion about the subject in the moment.  The danger of self-diagnosis isn't really a concern in my case as ADD in adults is a highly misunderstood subject and most adults with ADD usually have either been diagnosed through their children with ADD or had documented symptoms as a child as early as the age of seven.  And to make matters worse, many experts disagree on the nature of ADD and it's associated behaviors.  But more and more research and understanding is coming to light in recent years.

For most adults living with ADD, the condition varies as far as traits and symptoms go, but here are the most common ones recognized in me:

1. I'm easily distracted by unimportant stimuli.
2. I exhibit impulsive decision making.
3. I'm prone to jump into a project without following directions.
4. I'm likely to forget promises and commitments.
5. I do drive too fast.
6. I'm likely to struggle with paying attention in work and recreation.
7. I'm generally disorganize, or I compulsively struggle to control the situation.

Summing all this up in one paragraph goes like this.  Little things amuse me and I seek the meaning to many ordinary or mundane things in life.  I often do or say something without thinking it through, and it often gets me into trouble.  When I have a new toy, piece of equipment, or software program, I almost never read the manual and just start building, fixing or playing with the new thing in my life.  I remember first names of people I met once at a coffee shop 10 years ago, but I seldom remember that I have an important meeting or commitment next Thursday.  Safely, I drive about 5-10 miles per hour over the speed limit.  The struggle to pay attention at work and recreation is probably why I don't strive for a normal career or join in organized sports activities.  And I clean house well, but small nooks of my living space get cluttered to the point where I have to do a major cleanup almost monthly.  These are just a few of the descriptions of my experience with the symptoms listed above, but there are more.

Looking back at the feedback I've received from Family, Friends, Supervisors, Coworkers and fellow students, I've frequently been called emotionally sensitive, passionate, exuberant, and I have unusually well developed problem solving skills.  To boot, I love nature as it is been recognized to nurture persons with ADD in a therapeutic way.    Expressing from within, I often feel the need to be stimulated, but I enjoy my down time too.  I love to feel excitement and I change my pace often.  I need to be able to innovate and I desire to create structure rather than to follow others' directions.  This means I want to lead myself and develop my own program.  It seems like I've selected a line of work suited for that as I manage my own aircraft hangar rental business and have almost total control in my business destiny.  I have help from my partners and customers, and for the most parts, things are great!

For me, the possibility of having ADD isn't an excuse for who I am.  I may have ADD but ADD doesn't have me.  Perhaps now is a opportunity to say I'm sorry if I've challenged any of you in the past.  I know this doesn't replace a formal heartfelt apology in person, but often I've wondered if I've exhaust my friendship bank account by withdrawing more than I've deposited.  Understanding this, I'm not so worried about it and understand why some of my friends (and family) are challenged by me.  The thought of social suicide has occurred to me, but moving away and making new friends only repeats the process and never solves anything.  The better thing is to understand my disorder and work on the things I can effect.

Right now, I'm reading the book The Gift of Adult ADD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D.  Subtitled with "How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths, I'm discovering more about ADD and how many successful people harnessed the power of their condition and turned the energy into huge accomplishments.  In some eyes, I've achieved as much, and personally, I wouldn't change anything about my past or where I am right now.  Sure I'd have done some things differently with the maturity and understanding I have now, but at the time, I made the best reactive decisions to address the conditions created by my initial impulsive behavior. In short, I've had to dig myself out of a few deep pits in the past.  History proves that I might have more challenges ahead, but that's okay!

Well, the view from the forest is great.  I've posted some photos from my perspective of the wilderness in recent years and I hope you enjoy the scenery.  Keep reading and responding and share the message of this blog as you see fit.  I welcome your feedback and comments and hope everyone has a great February.

Cheers,

Don (AKA Aviator)