Mr. Mom, Part 2

Back in 1983, I was arriving at my first duty assignment in the US Air Force.  It was Okinawa, Japan, and life back home in the states couldn't be farther from me.  That same year, the movie Mr. Mom came out staring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr as an atypical couple of the times where the man stayed home with the kids and the woman worked to bring home the bacon.  The movie was hilarious in its day, but for me, it's not funny anymore.

I say this because, Mr. Mom has become my life.  A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to retire young from working for someone else and do my own thing.  This is a common trait amongst Adult ADDers (see previous post on ADD) and after retiring from the ridged structure of Air Force life, I wanted something that wasn't so predictable and organized.  I wanted to become an entrepreneur.  But I also wanted to continue to bring home money and not retire to a recliner and television.  So with the help of a mentor and friend, I developed a couple of investments to accent my military retirement pay to a level that kept the pressure of needing a 9-5 J. O. B. and all the stuff that comes with it.  Life was great, I was actually getting up early, going to Edgefield for coffee, riding my road bike 40 - 50 miles every other day, and generally spending a lot of quality time with myself.  That's not the case now.

Nothing is more rewarding than raising your own children at home, but it doesn't seem that way when you are dealing with it.  Sometimes we don't recognize the joy and achievement of a task until we've past it and reflect back on the situation.  I was thoroughly excited when we found out that we were pregnant with Makenna.  Working from home and being the supporting spouse, I looked forward to the joy of being a Mr. Mom and had no problems preparing myself for this.  I can say after three years of full-time work in this role, that it hasn't always been fun, but I still love it.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I fell and broke my leg on the day before Makenna's first birthday.  That was fun, scootering around the house on a knee caddy with a baby on my arm all the time.  I soon developed a supinator muscle condition in my right arm, a common injury with moms according to my  orthopedist caring for my broken limb.  That happened in winter, a season that often challenged my morale, especially when I was drinking liquid depressants.  Being housebound with poopie diapers for three to six months is no fun at all!  Even without the broken leg, I have gained a enormous amount of respect for stay-at-home moms of either gender.  I'd have to say that things starting looking brighter again with the change in seasons and the healing of the wounds, and when Makenna started going to daycare/learning center half days, three days a week.

So here's my routine now:

Monday - Get Kandy and Makenna off to work and school, make beds, put away dishes and bathroom stuff, take out compost and garbage, play a video game, hit the gym by 10am, Starbucks at 11:45, pickup Makenna at 12:15, shop at Fred Meyer or Trader Joe's, put Makenna down for a nap, check in online with my gaming buddies, 4:30pm, get Makenna up, do pots and pans from night before, start dinner sometimes, and greet Kandy at the door to take her bag and coffee cup...sometimes kiss, kiss.

Tuesday - Get up, Makenna on potty, make juice and toast, Kandy off to work, Makenna dressed, all the other stuff in Monday's scheudle except for the video games and Makenna to school.  10:00am, Edgfield for coffee and oatmeal.  Get outside when able, meet mom for lunch when able, etc., etc!

Need I go into Wednesday through Friday?  Let's just say that Wednesday and Friday are similar to Monday and Thursday is exactly like Tuesday.  The only real difference in the week is Friday where I do four loads of laundry and clean a tub/shower/sink and two toilets.  Oh, Wednesday is garbage/recycling day so I get up early to get the containers out on the curb by 6amish.  So that's my week in a nutshell.  And yes, I do sometimes feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, were ever day seems the same.  Maybe a vacation would be great.

Let's see, vacation, oh yeah, I remember last year where I went with Kandy and Makenna to Maui for 8 days.  I say I went with them, because when you are a full-time parent and you go on vacation with your children, you're still a parent and have a job to do while you are on holiday.  Kandy took a week off from the lighting business but I still got to do my job on vacation.  I enjoyed Maui and would like to do more like that, but I felt guilty for wanting to go off on my own away from Kandy and Makenna sometimes, and I didn't feel that Kandy understood this..  For those of you with careers outside the home, try to imagine you going to Mexico and taking your laptop, cellphone, conference room, and clients with you.  That's my vacation.

VIDEO: Makenna at 18 Months doing her ABCs

Milestones are great, and I look forward to are getting out of car seats and pull-up training pants.  The logistics of sharing a car seat between two vehicles is tough sometimes, one because they grow to the next level quickly, and two, you can't really justify the $200 - $300 price tag of a second unit for such a short time.  So the best thing is to work with it while you have to deal with it.  At least when Makenna was younger, we had two base units, one in each vehicle, and we only had to lock in her carrier seat.  But that is usually over by age one.  I know this is nothing compared to the teenage years as we've already been through that, but at age 47, I can say that I have more patience and maturity, but I am also set in my old ways.

In the movie, Michael Keaton talks about yelling at one of his kids for coloring outside the lines, and that he and one of his other children watch the same TV shows and he is starting to like them.  That's me!  I just have to remind myself that this is all passing time and that it's definitely worth it.  Our parents did it for us, and our children are our greatest joy in our lives.  Makenna spoils me sometimes, she's so good.  Check out her video link above and sign on to reply to posts to share your parenting experiences.  Until next time, be safe and , oh, I have to go, someone just threw up on the carpet...argh!  Breathe Don, just breathe.

Cheers,
Don (Aviator)

Attention Deficit Disorder and Me - A Self Realization.

Greetings from the "Forest" and welcome back to my blog page.  I'm into the second month of my journey and I really miss good beer and wine, and all the associations that go with it.  I loved the atmosphere of a brew pub and the taste of a full-bodied Arrogant Bastard Ale!  I've only jokingly suggested that Kandy and I open a bottle of wine, but I'm really doing fine.

Some of you my have heard me tell people that I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  I call it Double A, Double D.  Up until a few months ago, I used this tag line to explain some of the things I'm challenged with and more accurately, I've never been formally diagnosed.  But then in November of last year, Kandy and I were watching a show on public television called Add and Loving It!  As the somewhat familiar comedian and actor was walking down the streets of Vancouver, BC with his wife, they both discussed some of the traits and behavior characteristics in Patrick's condition, and it was at that moment, that Kandy and I looked at each other and I said, "Hey, that sounds a lot like me."

Patrick in this special interest feature was Patrick McKenna, someone I recognized from the RED, GREEN show.  I enjoyed the slapstick, dry humor of this show and caught up with a few seasons of it on Netflix.  But in the moment of catching this show on PBS, I became aware that I couldn't overlook the obvious similarities to Patrick's behavior and my own.  So I decided to do more research about ADD and realized that I'm pretty sure I have it.

First, lets talk about what ADD is.  Attention Deficit Disorder is a commonly referred to label for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.  Two common types of ADHD are ADHD-I (Inattentive) and ADHD-H (Hyperactive).  Without a professional diagnosis, I'd have to say that I have moderate ADHD-I with a slight history of hyperactivity probably related to sugar overdose as a child.  Most of what I remember as Hyperactive Behavior was merely unrecognized passion about the subject in the moment.  The danger of self-diagnosis isn't really a concern in my case as ADD in adults is a highly misunderstood subject and most adults with ADD usually have either been diagnosed through their children with ADD or had documented symptoms as a child as early as the age of seven.  And to make matters worse, many experts disagree on the nature of ADD and it's associated behaviors.  But more and more research and understanding is coming to light in recent years.

For most adults living with ADD, the condition varies as far as traits and symptoms go, but here are the most common ones recognized in me:

1. I'm easily distracted by unimportant stimuli.
2. I exhibit impulsive decision making.
3. I'm prone to jump into a project without following directions.
4. I'm likely to forget promises and commitments.
5. I do drive too fast.
6. I'm likely to struggle with paying attention in work and recreation.
7. I'm generally disorganize, or I compulsively struggle to control the situation.

Summing all this up in one paragraph goes like this.  Little things amuse me and I seek the meaning to many ordinary or mundane things in life.  I often do or say something without thinking it through, and it often gets me into trouble.  When I have a new toy, piece of equipment, or software program, I almost never read the manual and just start building, fixing or playing with the new thing in my life.  I remember first names of people I met once at a coffee shop 10 years ago, but I seldom remember that I have an important meeting or commitment next Thursday.  Safely, I drive about 5-10 miles per hour over the speed limit.  The struggle to pay attention at work and recreation is probably why I don't strive for a normal career or join in organized sports activities.  And I clean house well, but small nooks of my living space get cluttered to the point where I have to do a major cleanup almost monthly.  These are just a few of the descriptions of my experience with the symptoms listed above, but there are more.

Looking back at the feedback I've received from Family, Friends, Supervisors, Coworkers and fellow students, I've frequently been called emotionally sensitive, passionate, exuberant, and I have unusually well developed problem solving skills.  To boot, I love nature as it is been recognized to nurture persons with ADD in a therapeutic way.    Expressing from within, I often feel the need to be stimulated, but I enjoy my down time too.  I love to feel excitement and I change my pace often.  I need to be able to innovate and I desire to create structure rather than to follow others' directions.  This means I want to lead myself and develop my own program.  It seems like I've selected a line of work suited for that as I manage my own aircraft hangar rental business and have almost total control in my business destiny.  I have help from my partners and customers, and for the most parts, things are great!

For me, the possibility of having ADD isn't an excuse for who I am.  I may have ADD but ADD doesn't have me.  Perhaps now is a opportunity to say I'm sorry if I've challenged any of you in the past.  I know this doesn't replace a formal heartfelt apology in person, but often I've wondered if I've exhaust my friendship bank account by withdrawing more than I've deposited.  Understanding this, I'm not so worried about it and understand why some of my friends (and family) are challenged by me.  The thought of social suicide has occurred to me, but moving away and making new friends only repeats the process and never solves anything.  The better thing is to understand my disorder and work on the things I can effect.

Right now, I'm reading the book The Gift of Adult ADD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D.  Subtitled with "How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths, I'm discovering more about ADD and how many successful people harnessed the power of their condition and turned the energy into huge accomplishments.  In some eyes, I've achieved as much, and personally, I wouldn't change anything about my past or where I am right now.  Sure I'd have done some things differently with the maturity and understanding I have now, but at the time, I made the best reactive decisions to address the conditions created by my initial impulsive behavior. In short, I've had to dig myself out of a few deep pits in the past.  History proves that I might have more challenges ahead, but that's okay!

Well, the view from the forest is great.  I've posted some photos from my perspective of the wilderness in recent years and I hope you enjoy the scenery.  Keep reading and responding and share the message of this blog as you see fit.  I welcome your feedback and comments and hope everyone has a great February.

Cheers,

Don (AKA Aviator)

Stats Review - 1 Month Down; Only 11 More to Go.

Greetings from the forest as January comes to a close.  It's been nearly 1 month since I started this journey and I feel great!  The transition from a alcohol life to a non-drinking one has been smooth and I'd have to say that I don't notice a period of change any longer.  I feel the same each day when I wake up, and that's a good thing.

I thought it would be a perfect time to offer some statistics on my blog and on other things related to this subject.  First, as of the time of this posting, I have had 348 page views with readers from the Unites States, Canada, Germany, Malaysia, Denmark, and India.  Some days I get three or four page views with the highest days having up to 21 - 23 page views.  And the readers are using various browsers and devices to view my blog, everything from Windows to Macintosh with Firefox, Safari and Internet Explorer.  I even have followers on their Iphones.

About a week ago, one of my friends from Canada suggested I write also about the other side effects of giving up alcohol.  She said that "you've got to be spending less money."  What a great idea!  So, I went through my receipts from Trader Joe's, Fred Meyer, McMenamin's, and all the brewpubs I used to frequent like Bridgeport or Deschutes.  Right up front, I noticed that my average receipts from Trader Joe's  and Fred Meyer were about $20 to $30 less on a weekly basis.  As far as McMenamin's and other brewpubs go, I was spending $30 to $60 twice a week on average for food and beverages for me and my family or friends.  Adding all this up, I'd have to say that I spent $300-$500 per month on alcohol related stuff.

Another thing I've noticed is that I'm not washing wine glasses every single day, so my pots and pans routine has gotten shorter.  This means I have more free time to write in my blog, right?  Actually, I think I have more time for other things because I'm not going to the pub or sitting in front of the TV with a beer or glass of wine like in the past.  Going to the gym, playing my video game, and doing more stuff with Kandy and Makenna is the new routine.  I'm helping people more, getting out in the garden more, and I'm finding more energy for activities once neglected under a drinking lifestyle.

Some new goals for 2011 include riding more century (100 mile) rides with friends this year, and going backpacking more.  Along with the backpacking, I'm adding more camping trips with the family.  Going to the gym regularly is already on my list, but I've missed the past two weeks due to illness (mine and my daughter's) and a few appointments that took priority.  But starting Monday, I should get back on track.  I went from 218 pounds to about 214 and have stayed there since about December.  I'm hoping to get to my healthier weight of about 190 pounds by this summer and I plan to keep it there through next winter.

Overall, this first month has been great with lots of realizations and revelations.  I'm sure more will come and I'll have more to write about as well.  Maybe in my next blog, I'll find time to tell you why I feel I have ADD and how this self diagnosis isn't such a bad thing.  Until then, stay in touch and think of me when you enjoy that fine glass of beer or wine.  Cheers,

Don

Greetings from the Bar!!!

Psssssstttscht!  Korrg, Korrg, Korrg, Koigg, Kiggg....Kigg, drip.   Slurrrrrrph, Sip...Ah, The beer taste so good!!!

Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep, hummm?  "Don, it's time to wake up," says Kandy.  I opened my eyes, and thought, wait, did I just cheat on my diet?  Oh, no, okay, it was just a dream, shew, that was close...I thought for second that I had blown my whole effort of giving up alcohol for one year...but everything was okay-it was just a dream.

Today is Monday, a fresh day, and I'm writing from the bar at the Black Rabbit Restaurant at McMenamin's Edgefield; a place that had become my office away from the home office for a while before Makenna arrived in my life.  There were at least two days in the past five years where I had breakfast, lunch and dinner in this office, and the lunch and dinner were wet.  Breakfast was dry.  And today it's coffee and oatmeal as usual.

Yesterday, I was cooking dinner, some poached salmon with quinoa and broccoli.  We have this dish on average once every two weeks and lately, my recipe had to change because I used to marinade the fish for one hour in white wine seasoned with olive oil, lemon juice, sea salt, crushed garlic and ginger, chopped basil, and red pepper flakes.  In the past, I'd usually open the wine, pour four ounces into the cook, then put four ounces in the marinade.  By the time dinner was ready, we'd have a glass of wine for Kandy and myself left in the bottle and sometimes, I'd have to open another bottle of wine.  Often I thought, "gee, this would be great if I lived in Tuscany!"  Many times, I'd ask myself if I had a drinking problem and often I'd rationalize that other cultures have alcohol as a daily ingredient and that I was just mis-planted in the wrong country.  Everyone wants to be Italian...right?

Talking about cooking and wine brings up many happy memories.  Just yesterday, while in the kitchen, we were watching a cooking show on PBS Create TV and they were pairing wines and cheeses.  Kandy and I both thought, ummmm, that sounds good right now.  I must tell everyone that Kandy has been very supportive in my 1 year in the forest (a year without alcohol) quest.  Prior to my decision she'd had pretty much stopped drinking during the week and at home for the most part.  My diet is pretty much a harsher level of her diet.  We have a wine collection of special bottles, around $25 to $55 values, that we keep in our central hall closet on a rack.  We don't have a cellar, but this space keeps a constant temperature as it's centrally located and insulated with linens and adjacent closets.  It fluctuates maybe 10 degrees throughout the year with the heat and air conditioning on in various seasons.  With this wine in the house, there is no temptation or allure to drink.  I'm committed to my year's journey and look forward to the times ahead.

Reflecting back, I often wonder if my life would have different had I not started drinking, or hadn't started drinking so young.  Could alcohol have contributed to some of my earlier setbacks?  I flunked 7th grade and had to make up two classes in summer school to continue into the 8th grade.  Upon graduation from high school, I think I had a 1.9 Grade-Point Average.  I jokingly tell people I was "Valislacktorian" of my senior class--which means lowest GPA you could have and still receive a diploma.  My homeroom teacher wrote on my last report card that she predicted that I would eventually outdistance everyone, and I think she meant geographically, not in a matter of success.

That makes me think of my travels around the globe, and how about 11 years ago, while based in Iceland, I decided to start a beer bottle-cap collection.  We had one of those bailer-bar pasta storage containers, you know the type with the tall, hexagon-shaped glass with the wire-hinged lid on top.  It was unused and I just started throwing cool bottle caps in it, only one of each original and the container is almost full now.  Collecting these caps was fun, and often I'd dump them on the counter, while having a new beer of choice, and reminisce over each cap.  I could remember the taste and where I was when we got each one.  I also have saved almost all of my wine bottle corks over the years, only the ones with real cork and with unique stamps.  In the case of the wine corks, I actually saved almost "all" of them.  A few years ago, I purged many duplicates to save storage space, and even now, I have several shoe boxes full of wine corks, as well as a drawer in the kitchen with a full tray-box.  But bottle caps and corks aren't my only drinking trophies, there are more.

I also collect pint glasses with pub logos on them.  Last year, I collected two "Double-Mountain" brewing imperial sized (20 ounce) glasses with the ultimate shape for aroma and character.  I'm referring to the beer's aroma and character, not mine.  I think the folks at Samual Adams brewing came up with this design and it's awesome.  And along with my big beer glasses, my big wine goblets are my favorites too.  Maybe size does matter, as I love bigger glasses to enjoy my favorites drinks.  Except my coffee, because I don't want it to get cold too quickly.  With a cup of mud, 10 ounces is just fine!

Well, more later about this subject, so be warned!  I do miss drinking and evaluate my future of alcohol each day.  I'm not counting days, but I am tracking how much time has passed since starting this worthwhile journey.  The video below probably sums it up best.  Bye for now,

Don (Aviator)

The Light at the End of the Bottle - NOT!

Last night, my wife told me that this would probably be a bad year to go to Ireland and Scotland on vacation.  Being agreeable and conditioned, I said "sure, and why again?"  Then she said because of your year off from drinking.  And then it dawned on me, one of the major reasons I've wanted to go back to the motherland (I'm Irish and have the liver to prove it) would be to drink a Guinness in an authentic pub like my shorter, prehistoric kinfolk did.  And yes, St. Patrick's Day is my favorite holiday of the year!

Photo by Joe Rodriguez Jr, Copyright 2006

Well, that said, let me bring you up to date on the stats:  I'm entering the 21st day of alcohol free and last week was the first challenge.  It wasn't hard not to drink, just hard not to think about it.  Like much of my military training, it's 95% Mental and 5% even more mental.  Most of you know me well; I love to over-think things to the point of analysis paralysis.  Something few people know is that it was almost exactly 20 years ago, I gave up smokeless tobacco.  Yes, I was a dipper and a chewer.  And it took me a year to get over the urges to have a pinch at various times, but I gave it up cold-turkey and never looked back.

I'd have to say that the my main motivation for giving up tobacco was my disappointment in myself for becoming addicted to such a powerful drug, nicotine.  Around the same time, my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer even though he had quit smoking a few years earlier.  This was about the same time the major news organizations were reporting on the extreme measures taken by the tobacco industry to get people to use tobacco for life.  Shortly thereafter, several major litigious battles came to the forefront of American media and the word was out, "Tobacco can kill you!"  Never mind the other chronic and fatal health conditions tobacco users risk when they use a product that controls them, and we thought it was a choice of freedom.  Just ask any smoker in denial if they can quit and they'd say, sure, but I don't want to.  Only if they'd try to quit would the realize how powerful the addiction is.  I've been there, done that.

At the end of the last post, I touched on 2012 as a year predicted by many major thinkers in our spiritual and philosophical fields about a period of massive enlightenment and awareness in the consciousness of humanity as a whole.  I imagine how this could come about.  Could it be in relationship to tobacco, a highly consumed product, known to kill one-third of the people who use it?  Or could it be something else?  A few of my friends and family have heard me talk about what I call the "Real World Matrix" and maybe I should provide a little background for those who haven't heard my theory yet.

Back in 1997, Warner Brothers released the movie The Matrix staring Lawrence Fishburn (Morpheus), Keanu Reeves (Neo), and many more actors.  This futuristic sci-fi action movie depicted a period where many humans were plugged into power cocoons to the benefit of the artificial intelligent machines as a source of energy for the electronic captors.  My favorite part of the movie, is where Morpheus takes Neo into the Matrix Simulation Program to show him about "The World of the Real" and he asked Neo, "what is real, how do  you define real?  If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."  The Matrix Trilogy started out very deep and philosophical for me, but quickly became a regular shoot-em-up action movie series design to appeal to the average electrical-signal sensing brain.  The second and third installment simply lacked the thought-provoking appeal that the first movie had. But the original piece got me thinking, what if there was a real-world matrix designed to control us through our brain.  I recommend this movie if you haven't seen it yet, or in a long time.

Another favorite, What The Bleep Do We Know, was filmed here in Portland.  This movie connects addiction and our physical cells to the same chemical and electrical signal connection as alluded to in The Matrix.  In the What the Bleep movie, the filmmakers described how our body's cells sense when we haven't had our fix and tells other cells what to do to get that fix or satisfaction, hence the craving and sometimes, inexplicable or uncontrollable behaviors.  If I've lost or confused anyone at this point, check out the movie and let me know if you get it.  I know some will and some won't, but that's okay.  But what if the key to addicting behavior modification was narrowed down, it would have to be correlated to the direct source, our brain at the root of the situation.

I'd have to say that I am in no way an expert on the human brain, although I have studied many different areas of the human brain, physiologically and psychologically speaking.  In fact, I also own one of these devices and sometimes use it.  Could an affectionate taste for Micro-Brewed Beer be from the tongue or the brain, you decide, but as I've already attested, this quest has been 99.999999% mental so far.  I challenge you to find something you do or experience on a routine basis and resist doing it for a while.  Stop smoking, drinking, sweets, gossip, etc., find something, just for a test.  See what kinds of emotions or reactions come up in the process and ask your friends or family for feedback about what they see from the outside.  My favorite part of the movie Airplane is where Lloyd Bridges is an air traffic controller and several times during the skit, he says it looks like I he picked the wrong time to quit doing something, whether it be smoking, drinking, sniffing glue, etc.  When is the right time to quit doing something?  It's up to the individual.

Photo by Joe Rodriguez Jr, Copyright 2006

Since I've probably already written too much about something that many of you are finding boring, let me leave you with this.  After you've cleared your mind and given up your prejudice to the subject of addiction and consumption, ask yourself, who is in control?  Who benefits from tobacco use, the smoker or the manufacturer and distributor?  Look at something bigger in the connection to the economy and the environment and ask, which will come first: will we run out of oil before the green house gases reach the point of no return, and will the Earth warm up to the level where thawing in the north releases stored methane, a compound 20 times more effective as a green-house gas than carbon dioxide?  Several sources I've read say that at the current rate, 2015 could be that year.  Or will the planet lash out with weather, species extermination like a someone swatting a fly away from their body, thus resetting the system with humans banned from the globe?  But perhaps 2012 will be the year that we finally accept that we might be the source of rapid climate change and have something to do about it.

Keep coming back and I'll keep sharing.  I encourage you to sign up to follow the blog and post replies for others to read.  Tell me if you agree, assimilate, or find me totally nuts...it's all good!

DW

January 15, 2011 - Alcoholic Anonymous is for Quitters.

January 15, 2011.  Wow, after 15 days into my endeavor, I've realized that I'm only 1/26th of the way through my journey.  Needless to say, the excitement or exuberance I felt at the beginning of the quest has subsided and I'm feeling the real challenge and stark realization of what lies ahead of me in the eleven and a half months to come.

One of the first things I noticed after about a week of sobriety was that my natural urge to have a beer or glass of wine would creep up on me at the very times that I was conditioned to have a drink.  Friday afternoons, Saturdays and Sundays, and every day after lunch when there was a left-over bottle of red wine offering one more glass of Cab Franc from the evening dinner before.  Yes, I had really become acquainted and comfortable with a mid afternoon drink while my daughter was napping; I'd pour the last third or quarter of a bottle in a very large goblet (to save from having to make trips to the kitchen) and then I would usually watch a movie on Netflix or play a video game online. But now I notice I'm more edgy around that time and impatient when my 3 year old stays awake past her nap time.  Still, I'm doing well.

During my first week of all this, I was talking with a friend at Trader Joe's.  I told him about my journey into 1 Year in the Forest and he reached into is pocket and pulled out his Alcoholics Anonymous sobriety coin.  I remembered meeting this friend a few years earlier and we discussed getting together offline sometime, but when I asked him if he liked beer or wine, he told me he doesn't drink and that he'd been sober for a number of years.  At that time, it never dawned on me that he might be a recovering alcoholic.  Through his willingness to share, I learned that many of us are alcoholics and I had to ask myself, could I be an alcoholic?

Depending on what source you read, the answer to my question could be yes or no.  Sure, there have been times when I have drank to the point where I couldn't account for my time and awaken to discover that my friends had drawn a Cone-Head face on my stomach while we were floating in a sailboat in Lake Huron off the coast of Michigan.  While in the military, there were plenty of times where I'd done something, while under the influence, that should have been rewarded with disciplinary action.  And starting back as early as 16 or 17 years old, I can remember times where I know now that I should not have been driving an automobile.  Even a few years ago, I can remember when I shouldn't have been riding a bicycle (Tour de Pubs, Portland, OR, 2006-2007).

Although not an excuse, I'd have to say that our culture, and especially the military culture, subconsciously enables an alcohol lifestyle.  Many of my habit patterns were reinforced in the military culture through the spirit of camaraderie' and team dynamics.  Living in Okinawa in my late teens and early 20's, I frequently deployed to South Korea and the Philippines for months at a time.  These were places where going out to bars, drinking and flirting where a nightly occasion.  Although we were there doing our job, we were on vacation of a sort.  Frequently, we'd be lodged off base, in a local hotel, and we'd be able to walk to all the tourist bars, and here was the makeup of Angeles City, PI in 1984: bar, bar, bar, police substation, bar, bar, bar, hotel, bar, bar, bar, McDonald's, bar, Strip Club, bar, bar, police substation, and on, and on.  To a young person of any background, this can be an exciting place and it's easy to get caught up in the wave of excitement when seeing a new world like this, especially for someone who grew up in the United States.  When we returned to our home base in Okinawa, most of us relived the bar scene of the Philippines in our dormitories because there was always the "Class Six" store nearby.

The Class Six was our liquor store.  You could buy spirits, beer, wine, mixers, and oh yeah, pretzels.  If I were hosting a party, I'd ride to the Class Six on my bike with my military duffel on my back, and then I'd ride back with two cases of Budweiser--I was in great shape then!  Because we were overseas, the taxes you see on alcohol in the states didn't exist.  In 1983, a 4/5ths bottle of Bacardi 151 cost just under $5.  Our dormitory common areas had four vending machines; one for candy, one for soft drinks, one for cigarettes, and one for beer.  One of my dorm-rat friends had figured out that the beer machine was broken, and if you pressed the Budweiser button about five times without putting money in, and then hit the Olympia button, it would spit out a beer.  I watched him fill a garbage bag with beer and take it back to his room.  This same person was on the Air Force's "Do Not Drink" list I'd find out later.  His ID card was stamped with red ink "No Alcohol" because of a previous alcohol related incident.  I didn't know this at the time and enabled his drinking by giving him a bottle of Bacardi 151 for a Japanese shell clock.  I thought it was a good trade, a $20 clock for a $5 bottle of booze.

Nevertheless, all of these situations from my alcohol past are now coming to light in a different view of the situation.  I clearly see now that much of my drinking past was out of excess and dysfunction.  My situation was unique and I was lucky; some grace kept me from killing myself in an accident, or worse, killing someone else as a result of my drinking.  Am I an alcoholic, I can't say for sure.  Certainly, I've done things while drinking that diagnosed alcoholics have done.  Perhaps an alcoholic can control their consumption or abstain from drinking but maybe everyone who drinks is an alcoholic to a certain degree.  Right now, I'm looking forward to the day when I can have a beer again.  Only time will tell if I will go back to drinking in 2012, a year that is forecast to be a period of enlightenment and awareness in the consciousness of mankind.  I'm excited to discover what the future has to bring me as well.

In my next post, I'll share more of my experience in drinking (and not drinking), as well as some philosophy on "Life, And Other Problems" so to speak.  ;^)

Don (Aviator)

Winter in the Forest - Day 10 - Thanks, Sleep, and a Brief History.

January in the Forest; it's winter.  This time of year the forest is quiet, it's cold, and the sun rises late and sets early.  Imagine how easy it is to feel cold and alone on a dark winter's night.  Perhaps for just a second, if I pause to listen to the nature of the forest, I'll hear something.  There's a raven call in the crisp, dry air.  I can also hear flutters as a little bird darts from one branch to another.  I can even hear water trickling under the snow and an occasional mouse scurries through the roots of nearby trees.  Then, for only a moment or two, the sun beams through a break in the clouds to put a warm smile on my face.  I feel good in the forest and give thanks!

Let me say up front, thank you everyone.  Several of you have emailed me with words of support and a few have shared your experiences with me.  I find the warmth in your encouragement, just like when the sunshine touches my skin.  Many thanks to the God of the Universe for sunshine today, as well as my supportive friends and family.  Please keep writing and following my progress, and I encourage everyone to sign up to "Follow" this blog as well as post comments whenever you like.

Today is January 10th.   I had a rare experience last night where I closed my eyes and fell asleep at around 11 PM, and the next thing that happened was the  6 AM alarm going off.  I dreamed like I haven't in a very long time--it was so vivid and clear.  I was a leader, I think a General, and my dream was about giving a speech to all those who relied upon me to lead them to victory.  It wasn't clear if we were at war or if there was a challenge of some sort, but I did detect a climate of solemnness and reverence.  The mood was serious and I was a little scared.  My year-long quest may have influenced the dream and I feel the lack of alcohol in my system contributed positively to this experience last night, let me explain how.

Alcohol is a REM-Sleep inhibitor.  REM, or Rapid Eye Movement is a state of sleep where we dream.  Physiologically speaking, our body goes into an average of about four stages of sleep each night, with the first two being light and shallow, and the last two being progressively deeper.  It is these last two stages of sleep where we enter deeper REM and we dream.  The quality of our sleep is greatly affected by our drinking, and for someone like me, who used to drink on average of 3-5 (an occasionally 7) nights per week, I rarely had the full quality REM cycles the human body needs for complete rest.  And needless to say, my dream's sucked.  This is not to say that alcohol affects the type of or subject mater in your dreams, it merely restricts the REM Stage's effectiveness and leaves this Blogger's head and body feeling like a lump in the morning.

It had been so long since I'd had a good night's sleep and I couldn't remember when I'd dreamed like this.  Except for maybe three months at a time, and perhaps six months total once before now, I think I've always had a drink on a weekly basis since graduating from High School in 1981.  Looking further back, I'd have to say that I started social or recreational drinking sometime around 14 or 15 years  of age.  Through the access of older friends, and peers who had parents with unlocked liquor cabinets, I enjoyed a drink from time to time.  I easily recall the monthly "Kegger's" with many of those were TOGA parties.  Man, those were the days!  Joining the military in 1982 would prove to enable my lifestyle of alcohol...but that's an entry for another time.  More soon!

Thanks again for all your email and comments, keep them coming.  Cheers,

Aviator