Mr. Mom, Part 2

Back in 1983, I was arriving at my first duty assignment in the US Air Force.  It was Okinawa, Japan, and life back home in the states couldn't be farther from me.  That same year, the movie Mr. Mom came out staring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr as an atypical couple of the times where the man stayed home with the kids and the woman worked to bring home the bacon.  The movie was hilarious in its day, but for me, it's not funny anymore.

I say this because, Mr. Mom has become my life.  A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to retire young from working for someone else and do my own thing.  This is a common trait amongst Adult ADDers (see previous post on ADD) and after retiring from the ridged structure of Air Force life, I wanted something that wasn't so predictable and organized.  I wanted to become an entrepreneur.  But I also wanted to continue to bring home money and not retire to a recliner and television.  So with the help of a mentor and friend, I developed a couple of investments to accent my military retirement pay to a level that kept the pressure of needing a 9-5 J. O. B. and all the stuff that comes with it.  Life was great, I was actually getting up early, going to Edgefield for coffee, riding my road bike 40 - 50 miles every other day, and generally spending a lot of quality time with myself.  That's not the case now.

Nothing is more rewarding than raising your own children at home, but it doesn't seem that way when you are dealing with it.  Sometimes we don't recognize the joy and achievement of a task until we've past it and reflect back on the situation.  I was thoroughly excited when we found out that we were pregnant with Makenna.  Working from home and being the supporting spouse, I looked forward to the joy of being a Mr. Mom and had no problems preparing myself for this.  I can say after three years of full-time work in this role, that it hasn't always been fun, but I still love it.  As I mentioned in an earlier post, I fell and broke my leg on the day before Makenna's first birthday.  That was fun, scootering around the house on a knee caddy with a baby on my arm all the time.  I soon developed a supinator muscle condition in my right arm, a common injury with moms according to my  orthopedist caring for my broken limb.  That happened in winter, a season that often challenged my morale, especially when I was drinking liquid depressants.  Being housebound with poopie diapers for three to six months is no fun at all!  Even without the broken leg, I have gained a enormous amount of respect for stay-at-home moms of either gender.  I'd have to say that things starting looking brighter again with the change in seasons and the healing of the wounds, and when Makenna started going to daycare/learning center half days, three days a week.

So here's my routine now:

Monday - Get Kandy and Makenna off to work and school, make beds, put away dishes and bathroom stuff, take out compost and garbage, play a video game, hit the gym by 10am, Starbucks at 11:45, pickup Makenna at 12:15, shop at Fred Meyer or Trader Joe's, put Makenna down for a nap, check in online with my gaming buddies, 4:30pm, get Makenna up, do pots and pans from night before, start dinner sometimes, and greet Kandy at the door to take her bag and coffee cup...sometimes kiss, kiss.

Tuesday - Get up, Makenna on potty, make juice and toast, Kandy off to work, Makenna dressed, all the other stuff in Monday's scheudle except for the video games and Makenna to school.  10:00am, Edgfield for coffee and oatmeal.  Get outside when able, meet mom for lunch when able, etc., etc!

Need I go into Wednesday through Friday?  Let's just say that Wednesday and Friday are similar to Monday and Thursday is exactly like Tuesday.  The only real difference in the week is Friday where I do four loads of laundry and clean a tub/shower/sink and two toilets.  Oh, Wednesday is garbage/recycling day so I get up early to get the containers out on the curb by 6amish.  So that's my week in a nutshell.  And yes, I do sometimes feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, were ever day seems the same.  Maybe a vacation would be great.

Let's see, vacation, oh yeah, I remember last year where I went with Kandy and Makenna to Maui for 8 days.  I say I went with them, because when you are a full-time parent and you go on vacation with your children, you're still a parent and have a job to do while you are on holiday.  Kandy took a week off from the lighting business but I still got to do my job on vacation.  I enjoyed Maui and would like to do more like that, but I felt guilty for wanting to go off on my own away from Kandy and Makenna sometimes, and I didn't feel that Kandy understood this..  For those of you with careers outside the home, try to imagine you going to Mexico and taking your laptop, cellphone, conference room, and clients with you.  That's my vacation.

VIDEO: Makenna at 18 Months doing her ABCs

Milestones are great, and I look forward to are getting out of car seats and pull-up training pants.  The logistics of sharing a car seat between two vehicles is tough sometimes, one because they grow to the next level quickly, and two, you can't really justify the $200 - $300 price tag of a second unit for such a short time.  So the best thing is to work with it while you have to deal with it.  At least when Makenna was younger, we had two base units, one in each vehicle, and we only had to lock in her carrier seat.  But that is usually over by age one.  I know this is nothing compared to the teenage years as we've already been through that, but at age 47, I can say that I have more patience and maturity, but I am also set in my old ways.

In the movie, Michael Keaton talks about yelling at one of his kids for coloring outside the lines, and that he and one of his other children watch the same TV shows and he is starting to like them.  That's me!  I just have to remind myself that this is all passing time and that it's definitely worth it.  Our parents did it for us, and our children are our greatest joy in our lives.  Makenna spoils me sometimes, she's so good.  Check out her video link above and sign on to reply to posts to share your parenting experiences.  Until next time, be safe and , oh, I have to go, someone just threw up on the carpet...argh!  Breathe Don, just breathe.

Cheers,
Don (Aviator)

Attention Deficit Disorder and Me - A Self Realization.

Greetings from the "Forest" and welcome back to my blog page.  I'm into the second month of my journey and I really miss good beer and wine, and all the associations that go with it.  I loved the atmosphere of a brew pub and the taste of a full-bodied Arrogant Bastard Ale!  I've only jokingly suggested that Kandy and I open a bottle of wine, but I'm really doing fine.

Some of you my have heard me tell people that I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD).  I call it Double A, Double D.  Up until a few months ago, I used this tag line to explain some of the things I'm challenged with and more accurately, I've never been formally diagnosed.  But then in November of last year, Kandy and I were watching a show on public television called Add and Loving It!  As the somewhat familiar comedian and actor was walking down the streets of Vancouver, BC with his wife, they both discussed some of the traits and behavior characteristics in Patrick's condition, and it was at that moment, that Kandy and I looked at each other and I said, "Hey, that sounds a lot like me."

Patrick in this special interest feature was Patrick McKenna, someone I recognized from the RED, GREEN show.  I enjoyed the slapstick, dry humor of this show and caught up with a few seasons of it on Netflix.  But in the moment of catching this show on PBS, I became aware that I couldn't overlook the obvious similarities to Patrick's behavior and my own.  So I decided to do more research about ADD and realized that I'm pretty sure I have it.

First, lets talk about what ADD is.  Attention Deficit Disorder is a commonly referred to label for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD.  Two common types of ADHD are ADHD-I (Inattentive) and ADHD-H (Hyperactive).  Without a professional diagnosis, I'd have to say that I have moderate ADHD-I with a slight history of hyperactivity probably related to sugar overdose as a child.  Most of what I remember as Hyperactive Behavior was merely unrecognized passion about the subject in the moment.  The danger of self-diagnosis isn't really a concern in my case as ADD in adults is a highly misunderstood subject and most adults with ADD usually have either been diagnosed through their children with ADD or had documented symptoms as a child as early as the age of seven.  And to make matters worse, many experts disagree on the nature of ADD and it's associated behaviors.  But more and more research and understanding is coming to light in recent years.

For most adults living with ADD, the condition varies as far as traits and symptoms go, but here are the most common ones recognized in me:

1. I'm easily distracted by unimportant stimuli.
2. I exhibit impulsive decision making.
3. I'm prone to jump into a project without following directions.
4. I'm likely to forget promises and commitments.
5. I do drive too fast.
6. I'm likely to struggle with paying attention in work and recreation.
7. I'm generally disorganize, or I compulsively struggle to control the situation.

Summing all this up in one paragraph goes like this.  Little things amuse me and I seek the meaning to many ordinary or mundane things in life.  I often do or say something without thinking it through, and it often gets me into trouble.  When I have a new toy, piece of equipment, or software program, I almost never read the manual and just start building, fixing or playing with the new thing in my life.  I remember first names of people I met once at a coffee shop 10 years ago, but I seldom remember that I have an important meeting or commitment next Thursday.  Safely, I drive about 5-10 miles per hour over the speed limit.  The struggle to pay attention at work and recreation is probably why I don't strive for a normal career or join in organized sports activities.  And I clean house well, but small nooks of my living space get cluttered to the point where I have to do a major cleanup almost monthly.  These are just a few of the descriptions of my experience with the symptoms listed above, but there are more.

Looking back at the feedback I've received from Family, Friends, Supervisors, Coworkers and fellow students, I've frequently been called emotionally sensitive, passionate, exuberant, and I have unusually well developed problem solving skills.  To boot, I love nature as it is been recognized to nurture persons with ADD in a therapeutic way.    Expressing from within, I often feel the need to be stimulated, but I enjoy my down time too.  I love to feel excitement and I change my pace often.  I need to be able to innovate and I desire to create structure rather than to follow others' directions.  This means I want to lead myself and develop my own program.  It seems like I've selected a line of work suited for that as I manage my own aircraft hangar rental business and have almost total control in my business destiny.  I have help from my partners and customers, and for the most parts, things are great!

For me, the possibility of having ADD isn't an excuse for who I am.  I may have ADD but ADD doesn't have me.  Perhaps now is a opportunity to say I'm sorry if I've challenged any of you in the past.  I know this doesn't replace a formal heartfelt apology in person, but often I've wondered if I've exhaust my friendship bank account by withdrawing more than I've deposited.  Understanding this, I'm not so worried about it and understand why some of my friends (and family) are challenged by me.  The thought of social suicide has occurred to me, but moving away and making new friends only repeats the process and never solves anything.  The better thing is to understand my disorder and work on the things I can effect.

Right now, I'm reading the book The Gift of Adult ADD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D.  Subtitled with "How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths, I'm discovering more about ADD and how many successful people harnessed the power of their condition and turned the energy into huge accomplishments.  In some eyes, I've achieved as much, and personally, I wouldn't change anything about my past or where I am right now.  Sure I'd have done some things differently with the maturity and understanding I have now, but at the time, I made the best reactive decisions to address the conditions created by my initial impulsive behavior. In short, I've had to dig myself out of a few deep pits in the past.  History proves that I might have more challenges ahead, but that's okay!

Well, the view from the forest is great.  I've posted some photos from my perspective of the wilderness in recent years and I hope you enjoy the scenery.  Keep reading and responding and share the message of this blog as you see fit.  I welcome your feedback and comments and hope everyone has a great February.

Cheers,

Don (AKA Aviator)