With the close of May and Summer's approach, I'm pausing to think about things, and I'm asking myself questions. "Why am I here, what am I doing, and what would cause me to take on an endeavor such as this one." Equally important, why would I even think of writing about this, sharing it with the world?"
Well, first about the reason for sharing--that's basically my nature. I love to talk, write, interact with others. But I really considered documenting this in a blog as a way to be held accountable. The temptation of alcohol has never been a problem. But, I have thought of how easy it would be to give up this year quest if I didn't know someone (you) were reading and following my journey. Even with this in mind, I still question other motives for all of this.
As I've mentioned before, I have thought of giving up alcohol many times in the past to see how I feel. Sometimes feeling low, sometimes having no energy, feeling aches and pains in the morning, and generally affecting my health, I felt alcohol could have been a causal factor in many of my conditions that caused concern in the first place. I know it impacted my health, but I now realize that the low energy and ho-hum feelings were in part due to alcohol, brain chemistry and general conditioning of my emotions. Being a creature of habit, I trained myself to be depressed, and alcohol has this ability to make you feel temporarily happy, but then the side effects drop you from the splendid feelings you experienced for a moment or two. What you are left with is a desire to drink to feel good, only to be left deeper and deeper in a pit. But for five full months now, I've been able to clearly think about these issues without being left in the pit.
Sure, I've felt ho-hum and low at times in the past year, but I've not found myself in the pit. Without alcohol, I can handle the depression and move through it to a positive result, instead of recycling it over and over again. On another note, I guess I'd have to admit that I became someone I wasn't comfortable being. And I wanted my family and friends to see a different person that wasn't affected by the "Pit Effect" but habits are hard to break. I still have conditioned ways of dealing with stress and my demeanor still is my nature. But I don't think I'm a bad person, just inconsiderate sometimes.
I think mostly about my wife, Kandy. Although I'm sure Makenna and Danielle, my daughters were affected by my reactions to stress in the 3 and 23 years that I've known them, but Kandy seems to be in the middle of the intense receiving of the "Don Pit Effect" most of the time. And many times in the past seven years, she has wanted to leave because of the stress. Still she stays, only to ride the roller coaster of feelings that many couples experience when one or both have difficulty expressing their challenges with, well, just life.
Now, for those of you without problems, without relationship issues, or substance abuse problems, I'm sorry to expose this to you. When your life is perfect, and everything is peachy like on the set of television's Friends you don't know about these problems and are usually put-off by such exposure to situations like this. But I realize that perfect people (or families, or relationships) are few and far between.
In my personal case, I almost didn't marry Kandy. I felt at age 32 (me) and age 21 (her) that I already had too much baggage to subject her to, and she being so young, going from mom's house to our house, that she had her whole life ahead of her. Four times I considered dropping out of the marriage, and probably as many times after the wedding, I too wanted to push Kandy away, especially during my stressful situations in my job in the military. I guess I was lucky that Kandy was in love with me at times when I wasn't very loving to her. Now the tables are turned, and Kandy is now questioning her love for me.
This is something that has been reoccurring every couple of years for the past seven years or so. It's important to note that we've been married 15 years in June. That's a long time for most marriages to even survive. Maybe most couples take for granted the first few anniversaries and I think we were no exception. It's evident in the fact that I've kept almost all the anniversary greetings from Kandy over the past few years, during the seven-year time of challenge. These messages are probably more important to me because I know that Kandy cared about us during times of struggle, not just the good times too.
At 10 years, Kandy wrote this in a blank-inside card:
2006
10 Years!
"For all the past adventures, support in my career and learning to understand my moods and "issues"...
Thank you!"
There's many more adventures to be had & I'm sure, more learning"
Happy Anniversary
Love,
Kandy
Even as our 15th anniversary passes in a little less than a month, the outlook for success never is assured. And even with seven years of challenges and struggle, we still have time at the 14-year mark to recognize the "Great Memories" and to say "Thanks for Everything." (Kandy's words last year in June)
I guess when I considered not marrying Kandy in 1996, I was afraid of the challenges we'd face in the future. Shortly after that, from 1997 to 1999, I pushed away, and she stayed there with me. I didn't leave, and we grew to travel for adventures, have a gorgeous baby girl, and build a life many people observe as "fortunate." And I mostly feel fortunate.
I guess I'd have to say I'm fortunate to have Kandy, and Makenna, and Danielle in my life. All three are people who almost didn't happen to me. My relationship with Danielle's mother seriously affect my relationship with this first daughter. And had I backed out of marriage to Kandy or separated from her before 2007, Makenna (or Kandy) wouldn't be the biggest things in my life. The thought of losing any of this is something I consider to never have to experience. It would be more than taking food or water away, but simply the air I need to breathe.
I love you Kandy,
Don
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Happy Spring - Weather, Medical Reports, and Dreams!
Hi Everyone. May is over half way through and the weather is just fabulous! As this month comes to a close, I'm eager to share my experiences, lab results and dreams.
Many of you may remember my reports of new-found energy and motivation after suspending my alcohol consumption. I can say that I've put that energy and motivation to riding my bike on long rides and yesterday was awesome. I asked my wife to pick up Makenna after school for me and keep her for the afternoon so I could get a long bike ride in my schedule. After taking care of some business in the morning, I rode my bicycle into Portland, met Kandy and Makenna for lunch and rode home in the afternoon...a total of 45+ miles.
Earlier in May, I rode a metric century (100 km = 62 miles), the Salem Bicycle Club's "Monster Cookie Ride" from downtown Salem to Champoeg State Park and back. I went by myself, but met lots of new friends, including some gentlemen my age and one that has given up alcohol for the past 15 years. The weather that May lst was the best of any of the Monster Cookie rides in recent years, and it was a fabulous day as well. And I've got a few more century rides (real 100-milers) in my schedule for this year.
One of the major reasons for this journey through the land of sobriety was my health. Not only fitness, but actual wellness within, both mind and body. My physical last fall was crucial in my decision to make changes in my life. Triglyceride levels were the main area of concern during my examination and at that time, I was at 193 (130-150 are consider safe levels in most adults). In fact, 201 or higher is the "Alarm" level and seriously affects one's health. I was only 8 points below the alarm level.
Well, now I am happy to share that my recent results from earlier this month are "117" and I credit that to limiting alcohol and going back to the gym...along with the occasional 62-mile bike ride. Along with this improved health condition, I've also lost eight pounds and I'm sure some of that was regaining muscle.
Exactly 10 years ago, I deployed to Saudi Arabia in support of Operation Southern Watch. In the desert, your body doesn't need as many calories to maintain metabolic body heat function. After about a week of eating like I did in the US, my stomach started to feel sick after eating, and I think it was my body telling me that it didn't need these extra calories. After adjusting my caloric intake down to about 1800 per day, and switching to more fruits and vegetables, I slowly dropped weight from about 215 down to 190 and back up to 192.5 over a three-month period. That too was a period where I abstained from drinking alcohol, and my body responded positively.
And finally, a word about dreams. In an earlier report, I remarked upon the difference in my dream states, experiencing more vivid and satisfying dreams. Last week, I had another cheat dream where I was at a convention in a hotel and a server was walking around with a tray full of white-wine glasses. I instinctively picked up one and took a drink, and in my dream, I realized that I was wanting not to drink and I put the glass back down on the tray. I remembered the dream when I woke in the morning, and was relieved that I didn't really drink.
So what does all this mean? I really don't know. Could it be that I can drink and control my consumption. I have noticed that dreams where I was going to go somewhere or go flying in my airplane were the subject, but some blockage was in the dream that kept me from getting to the good part meant that something in my life was limiting me in some way. The topic of dreams now intrigues me and I look forward to researching dreams in general in many different ways. Until then, I will continue to live in the "waking" world and will report back soon!
Don
Many of you may remember my reports of new-found energy and motivation after suspending my alcohol consumption. I can say that I've put that energy and motivation to riding my bike on long rides and yesterday was awesome. I asked my wife to pick up Makenna after school for me and keep her for the afternoon so I could get a long bike ride in my schedule. After taking care of some business in the morning, I rode my bicycle into Portland, met Kandy and Makenna for lunch and rode home in the afternoon...a total of 45+ miles.
Earlier in May, I rode a metric century (100 km = 62 miles), the Salem Bicycle Club's "Monster Cookie Ride" from downtown Salem to Champoeg State Park and back. I went by myself, but met lots of new friends, including some gentlemen my age and one that has given up alcohol for the past 15 years. The weather that May lst was the best of any of the Monster Cookie rides in recent years, and it was a fabulous day as well. And I've got a few more century rides (real 100-milers) in my schedule for this year.
One of the major reasons for this journey through the land of sobriety was my health. Not only fitness, but actual wellness within, both mind and body. My physical last fall was crucial in my decision to make changes in my life. Triglyceride levels were the main area of concern during my examination and at that time, I was at 193 (130-150 are consider safe levels in most adults). In fact, 201 or higher is the "Alarm" level and seriously affects one's health. I was only 8 points below the alarm level.
Well, now I am happy to share that my recent results from earlier this month are "117" and I credit that to limiting alcohol and going back to the gym...along with the occasional 62-mile bike ride. Along with this improved health condition, I've also lost eight pounds and I'm sure some of that was regaining muscle.
Exactly 10 years ago, I deployed to Saudi Arabia in support of Operation Southern Watch. In the desert, your body doesn't need as many calories to maintain metabolic body heat function. After about a week of eating like I did in the US, my stomach started to feel sick after eating, and I think it was my body telling me that it didn't need these extra calories. After adjusting my caloric intake down to about 1800 per day, and switching to more fruits and vegetables, I slowly dropped weight from about 215 down to 190 and back up to 192.5 over a three-month period. That too was a period where I abstained from drinking alcohol, and my body responded positively.
And finally, a word about dreams. In an earlier report, I remarked upon the difference in my dream states, experiencing more vivid and satisfying dreams. Last week, I had another cheat dream where I was at a convention in a hotel and a server was walking around with a tray full of white-wine glasses. I instinctively picked up one and took a drink, and in my dream, I realized that I was wanting not to drink and I put the glass back down on the tray. I remembered the dream when I woke in the morning, and was relieved that I didn't really drink.
So what does all this mean? I really don't know. Could it be that I can drink and control my consumption. I have noticed that dreams where I was going to go somewhere or go flying in my airplane were the subject, but some blockage was in the dream that kept me from getting to the good part meant that something in my life was limiting me in some way. The topic of dreams now intrigues me and I look forward to researching dreams in general in many different ways. Until then, I will continue to live in the "waking" world and will report back soon!
Don
Saturday, April 30, 2011
April 30, 2011 - Four Months After the Start.
Happy Spring everyone!
At one-third the way through my year-long journey, I feel I've reached the point where the real self-discovery is finally coming to light. Maybe it could be the affects of no alcohol in four months, or perhaps it's the season of increased sunshine and warmer temperatures. Or maybe it's nothing at all and I'm just experiencing a new day.
In any regard, I'd have to say that my friends and family have been fully supportive in my efforts to endure. My wife has refrained from having a drink in the house which helps me not lament the memories of good food, a sunset and a bottle of 2005 Columbia Crest Grand Estates Cabernet Sauvignon and a slice of triple velvet chocolate cake. I'd have to say that I became an astute connoisseur of good wines and could sometimes define the region the grapes came from without knowing the origin or having read the label on the bottle.
Along with the role of "Wine Snob" I'd also become a collector of alcohol related trinkets. I might have already mentioned my bottle cap collection started in 1997 in Iceland (had I only started early, I could cover an entire wall with unique bottle caps). Along with wine cork openers, Kandy and I've amassed an intricate collection of corks, pint glasses, logo coasters, and more. At this point I'd like to point out that I do NOT have any bar mirrors or neon signs, having a high degree of class and dignity required of someone of my mediocrity.
I have fond memories of most of these beers represented in the photo above. Often I'd rummage through the container of caps to discover I'd tried the same beer twice and kept both caps. Had I started this collection when I first started drinking beer, I'd have more than 1,000 unique ones with many of them now out of business. Wonder what that would be worth.
Some people collect baseball cards. I tried that, but I'm just not that addicted to bubble gum. For me--and maybe for many--it was the moment and the people I was with that made a difference and instilled a sense of appreciation for the beer I was drinking. In fact, when friends weren't around, or if something was distressing to me, drinking was the farthest thing from my mind...as was the case on New Years Eve 1992 (NEW YEAR'S 1993) when I'd received a letter from my neighbor that my wife was having an affair. I was at Kunsan Airbase, South Korea and my friends and I had already planned a night of drinking and celebration. For what ever reason, I couldn't drink, not even one beer. All stressful situations seem to cause this reaction. Reflecting back, I can say that I've never considered "Man, this is a stressful situation, I think I need a drink" before, ever!
From the start of this self-evaluation, I've never considered myself an alcoholic although I'm open to the possibility that I might be. Many of my alcoholic friends that have been sober for years, attend meetings and carry the coins--as well as follow the steps--tell me that if I was able to quit and not slip back into drinking, that it doesn't sound like I'm an alcoholic. Still, I am planning to attend a meeting soon and experience the real essence of AA or Alcoholic's Anonymous.
Who knows what my future in drinking will be. We'll see. For now, I'm just trying to reflect, experience and reveal (for myself and my readers) the significance of alcohol's effects on me. Until next time, please feel free to respond via this post or through an email and I hope you share your alcohol experience with us all.
Cheers,
At one-third the way through my year-long journey, I feel I've reached the point where the real self-discovery is finally coming to light. Maybe it could be the affects of no alcohol in four months, or perhaps it's the season of increased sunshine and warmer temperatures. Or maybe it's nothing at all and I'm just experiencing a new day.
In any regard, I'd have to say that my friends and family have been fully supportive in my efforts to endure. My wife has refrained from having a drink in the house which helps me not lament the memories of good food, a sunset and a bottle of 2005 Columbia Crest Grand Estates Cabernet Sauvignon and a slice of triple velvet chocolate cake. I'd have to say that I became an astute connoisseur of good wines and could sometimes define the region the grapes came from without knowing the origin or having read the label on the bottle.
Along with the role of "Wine Snob" I'd also become a collector of alcohol related trinkets. I might have already mentioned my bottle cap collection started in 1997 in Iceland (had I only started early, I could cover an entire wall with unique bottle caps). Along with wine cork openers, Kandy and I've amassed an intricate collection of corks, pint glasses, logo coasters, and more. At this point I'd like to point out that I do NOT have any bar mirrors or neon signs, having a high degree of class and dignity required of someone of my mediocrity.
I have fond memories of most of these beers represented in the photo above. Often I'd rummage through the container of caps to discover I'd tried the same beer twice and kept both caps. Had I started this collection when I first started drinking beer, I'd have more than 1,000 unique ones with many of them now out of business. Wonder what that would be worth.
Some people collect baseball cards. I tried that, but I'm just not that addicted to bubble gum. For me--and maybe for many--it was the moment and the people I was with that made a difference and instilled a sense of appreciation for the beer I was drinking. In fact, when friends weren't around, or if something was distressing to me, drinking was the farthest thing from my mind...as was the case on New Years Eve 1992 (NEW YEAR'S 1993) when I'd received a letter from my neighbor that my wife was having an affair. I was at Kunsan Airbase, South Korea and my friends and I had already planned a night of drinking and celebration. For what ever reason, I couldn't drink, not even one beer. All stressful situations seem to cause this reaction. Reflecting back, I can say that I've never considered "Man, this is a stressful situation, I think I need a drink" before, ever!
From the start of this self-evaluation, I've never considered myself an alcoholic although I'm open to the possibility that I might be. Many of my alcoholic friends that have been sober for years, attend meetings and carry the coins--as well as follow the steps--tell me that if I was able to quit and not slip back into drinking, that it doesn't sound like I'm an alcoholic. Still, I am planning to attend a meeting soon and experience the real essence of AA or Alcoholic's Anonymous.
Who knows what my future in drinking will be. We'll see. For now, I'm just trying to reflect, experience and reveal (for myself and my readers) the significance of alcohol's effects on me. Until next time, please feel free to respond via this post or through an email and I hope you share your alcohol experience with us all.
Cheers,
Saturday, April 23, 2011
April Showers Bring April Grand Daughters!
Hi everyone, sorry I haven't written in a while. There's no excuse; I've just been lazy!
I have also been busy with getting the garden ready, deploying to Takistan some evenings to liberate their nation, or going to the gym. Oh, and I became a "Grandpa" this month. I was hoping to hold off until age 50, but 2 years early isn't so bad.
My Daughter Danielle and her Husband Ross have a beautiful baby daughter Rylee J. Caples and we drove down last weekend to meet her. Holding a newborn weighting 6 pounds, 4 ounces seemed so surreal although it was only three years and a bit that I was holding my second daughter, Makenna, when she was that age. It's a humbling feeling to realize that you are one of four generations in your family, and that you have children old enough to be parents themselves. I am still experiencing new emotions and interpreting them as they come.
Here are some photos to share.
She's a content baby and I can't wait to teach her some "Knock-Knock" jokes when she turns 3.
This will be a short post, but in future posts, I'll tell more about my ARMA Combined Operations missions and show you photos of my alcohol related collections.
Stay safe and enjoy the sunshine!
Don
I have also been busy with getting the garden ready, deploying to Takistan some evenings to liberate their nation, or going to the gym. Oh, and I became a "Grandpa" this month. I was hoping to hold off until age 50, but 2 years early isn't so bad.
My Daughter Danielle and her Husband Ross have a beautiful baby daughter Rylee J. Caples and we drove down last weekend to meet her. Holding a newborn weighting 6 pounds, 4 ounces seemed so surreal although it was only three years and a bit that I was holding my second daughter, Makenna, when she was that age. It's a humbling feeling to realize that you are one of four generations in your family, and that you have children old enough to be parents themselves. I am still experiencing new emotions and interpreting them as they come.
Here are some photos to share.
This will be a short post, but in future posts, I'll tell more about my ARMA Combined Operations missions and show you photos of my alcohol related collections.
Stay safe and enjoy the sunshine!
Don
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Greetings from the forest...it is spring.
Hello everyone, it's been a while since my last post, but I am happy to report that I've stayed on my diet and am doing well. At almost one-quarter the way through my 1 Year in the Forest experience, I feel great although I missed having a good drink on St. Patrick's Day this month. Just 10 years ago this month, we Celebrated St. Patrick's Day with our good friends Harv and Cheryl in Hawaii, where in Honolulu, they close down 11 city blocks in the center of town and have a huge party of green beer and more. You haven't lived until you've seen a cute short-hair techno Hawaiian girl with green hair.
March brought many different challenges and experiences with it. During the beginning of the month, I felt as if I was having phantom hangovers. My friend Kate asked if I ate a lot of sugar, and I guess I do sometimes as I love having a handful of dark chocolate chips for a snack after dinner most nights. That might be part of the reason I felt hung-over without the affects of alcohol, but I also might have been feeling the pains that come with depression.
As I might have mentioned, Makenna brought home three colds from school over the past three months. I managed to dodge the first one, got hammered by the second one, and picked up a small part of the third one. The feeling of being ill, the rainy weather and low light conditions can easily bring on a batch of the Seasonal Affective Disorder, something that I have been affected with before, like the two winters I spent in Iceland. Like the commercial says, "Depression Hurts, Cymbalta can help."
I'm feeling much better now. We spent eight days touring the Desert Southwest of the United States last week. Our trip started in Las Vegas where we picked up our rental car and drove to St. George, Utah. The next morning, we drove through Zion National Park and the Virgin River basin to get to Lake Powell and Page, Arizona. It was nice to have 40-degree mornings and sunshine with daytime highs reaching the 60s. The affect of the constant sunlight on our eyes was wonderful, and I'd have to admit that the time leading up to the trip was challenging as I was coming out of a low-state from the colds and winter weather in Portland, and worrying about our trip. This might be one of the reasons I was having a hard time finding the motivation to write in my blog. Nevertheless, I committed a short time back to only write when I feel moved to write here.
During the past month, I've been playing my ARMA 2 Operation Arrowhead game with my buddies, although the break away from it has been nice. ARMA is a military simulator that involves combat, logistics, strategy, and teamwork. I enjoy playing it and have many friends from around the world that have become good allies through this game. Below is a link to a video of one of our missions where I landed a damaged Blackhawk safely after being hit by a rocket propelled grenade in Fallujah, Iraq.
Emergency Landing in Fallujah
You may have noticed I haven't posted in a while. We spent eight days in Utah, Arizona, and Nevada in March. Seeing the sun each day is something we take for granted sometimes, and living in the Pacific Northwest, we often don't realize how much the sun affects us. Our trip to the Desert Southwest was a great break away from the rain and darkness.
We flew into Las Vegas and rented a car to drive to St. George, UT. The second day on the road, we visited Zion National Park, Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument, and Glen Canyon Dam/Lake Powell. We stayed in Page, and it was very nice to be outside with 60 degree weather and sunshine. The next day we drove to Kayenta and visited Monument Valley. Leaving Kayenta, we stopped at Navajo National Monument and saw magnificent cliff dwellings. After a night in Winslow, AZ and seeing Meteor Crater, we stayed three nights in Sedona, AZ and visited a wildlife park where we fed Giraffes carrots by hand. The Last day, we drove to the Grand Canyon in a blizzard and saw the canyon better via IMAX Film. But after the movie at the IMAX theater, we drove to the rim again and caught a few views of the canyon with snow on the rim. After staying our last night in Flagstaff, we awoke to a flat tire, and 23 degrees with ice and snow. We managed to get on the road an hour and a half late and got to our airplane with 3 minutes to spare. This made the last day the most stressful. Below are a few photos from the trip.
Being in the forest for three months now, I've rediscovered the magic of being in the forest. Perhaps alcohol numbed the senses and I had missed the natural wonders of the forest. Good sleep, more energy, and increased awareness are a few of the benefits of my journey. One quarter the way through, I've realized that I still have a long way to go!
Don
March brought many different challenges and experiences with it. During the beginning of the month, I felt as if I was having phantom hangovers. My friend Kate asked if I ate a lot of sugar, and I guess I do sometimes as I love having a handful of dark chocolate chips for a snack after dinner most nights. That might be part of the reason I felt hung-over without the affects of alcohol, but I also might have been feeling the pains that come with depression.
As I might have mentioned, Makenna brought home three colds from school over the past three months. I managed to dodge the first one, got hammered by the second one, and picked up a small part of the third one. The feeling of being ill, the rainy weather and low light conditions can easily bring on a batch of the Seasonal Affective Disorder, something that I have been affected with before, like the two winters I spent in Iceland. Like the commercial says, "Depression Hurts, Cymbalta can help."
I'm feeling much better now. We spent eight days touring the Desert Southwest of the United States last week. Our trip started in Las Vegas where we picked up our rental car and drove to St. George, Utah. The next morning, we drove through Zion National Park and the Virgin River basin to get to Lake Powell and Page, Arizona. It was nice to have 40-degree mornings and sunshine with daytime highs reaching the 60s. The affect of the constant sunlight on our eyes was wonderful, and I'd have to admit that the time leading up to the trip was challenging as I was coming out of a low-state from the colds and winter weather in Portland, and worrying about our trip. This might be one of the reasons I was having a hard time finding the motivation to write in my blog. Nevertheless, I committed a short time back to only write when I feel moved to write here.
During the past month, I've been playing my ARMA 2 Operation Arrowhead game with my buddies, although the break away from it has been nice. ARMA is a military simulator that involves combat, logistics, strategy, and teamwork. I enjoy playing it and have many friends from around the world that have become good allies through this game. Below is a link to a video of one of our missions where I landed a damaged Blackhawk safely after being hit by a rocket propelled grenade in Fallujah, Iraq.
Emergency Landing in Fallujah
You may have noticed I haven't posted in a while. We spent eight days in Utah, Arizona, and Nevada in March. Seeing the sun each day is something we take for granted sometimes, and living in the Pacific Northwest, we often don't realize how much the sun affects us. Our trip to the Desert Southwest was a great break away from the rain and darkness.
We flew into Las Vegas and rented a car to drive to St. George, UT. The second day on the road, we visited Zion National Park, Grand Staircase Escalante National Monument, and Glen Canyon Dam/Lake Powell. We stayed in Page, and it was very nice to be outside with 60 degree weather and sunshine. The next day we drove to Kayenta and visited Monument Valley. Leaving Kayenta, we stopped at Navajo National Monument and saw magnificent cliff dwellings. After a night in Winslow, AZ and seeing Meteor Crater, we stayed three nights in Sedona, AZ and visited a wildlife park where we fed Giraffes carrots by hand. The Last day, we drove to the Grand Canyon in a blizzard and saw the canyon better via IMAX Film. But after the movie at the IMAX theater, we drove to the rim again and caught a few views of the canyon with snow on the rim. After staying our last night in Flagstaff, we awoke to a flat tire, and 23 degrees with ice and snow. We managed to get on the road an hour and a half late and got to our airplane with 3 minutes to spare. This made the last day the most stressful. Below are a few photos from the trip.
Being in the forest for three months now, I've rediscovered the magic of being in the forest. Perhaps alcohol numbed the senses and I had missed the natural wonders of the forest. Good sleep, more energy, and increased awareness are a few of the benefits of my journey. One quarter the way through, I've realized that I still have a long way to go!
Don
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Mr. Mom, Part 2
Back in 1983, I was arriving at my first duty assignment in the US Air Force. It was Okinawa, Japan, and life back home in the states couldn't be farther from me. That same year, the movie Mr. Mom came out staring Michael Keaton and Teri Garr as an atypical couple of the times where the man stayed home with the kids and the woman worked to bring home the bacon. The movie was hilarious in its day, but for me, it's not funny anymore.
I say this because, Mr. Mom has become my life. A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to retire young from working for someone else and do my own thing. This is a common trait amongst Adult ADDers (see previous post on ADD) and after retiring from the ridged structure of Air Force life, I wanted something that wasn't so predictable and organized. I wanted to become an entrepreneur. But I also wanted to continue to bring home money and not retire to a recliner and television. So with the help of a mentor and friend, I developed a couple of investments to accent my military retirement pay to a level that kept the pressure of needing a 9-5 J. O. B. and all the stuff that comes with it. Life was great, I was actually getting up early, going to Edgefield for coffee, riding my road bike 40 - 50 miles every other day, and generally spending a lot of quality time with myself. That's not the case now.
Nothing is more rewarding than raising your own children at home, but it doesn't seem that way when you are dealing with it. Sometimes we don't recognize the joy and achievement of a task until we've past it and reflect back on the situation. I was thoroughly excited when we found out that we were pregnant with Makenna. Working from home and being the supporting spouse, I looked forward to the joy of being a Mr. Mom and had no problems preparing myself for this. I can say after three years of full-time work in this role, that it hasn't always been fun, but I still love it. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I fell and broke my leg on the day before Makenna's first birthday. That was fun, scootering around the house on a knee caddy with a baby on my arm all the time. I soon developed a supinator muscle condition in my right arm, a common injury with moms according to my orthopedist caring for my broken limb. That happened in winter, a season that often challenged my morale, especially when I was drinking liquid depressants. Being housebound with poopie diapers for three to six months is no fun at all! Even without the broken leg, I have gained a enormous amount of respect for stay-at-home moms of either gender. I'd have to say that things starting looking brighter again with the change in seasons and the healing of the wounds, and when Makenna started going to daycare/learning center half days, three days a week.
So here's my routine now:
Monday - Get Kandy and Makenna off to work and school, make beds, put away dishes and bathroom stuff, take out compost and garbage, play a video game, hit the gym by 10am, Starbucks at 11:45, pickup Makenna at 12:15, shop at Fred Meyer or Trader Joe's, put Makenna down for a nap, check in online with my gaming buddies, 4:30pm, get Makenna up, do pots and pans from night before, start dinner sometimes, and greet Kandy at the door to take her bag and coffee cup...sometimes kiss, kiss.
Tuesday - Get up, Makenna on potty, make juice and toast, Kandy off to work, Makenna dressed, all the other stuff in Monday's scheudle except for the video games and Makenna to school. 10:00am, Edgfield for coffee and oatmeal. Get outside when able, meet mom for lunch when able, etc., etc!
Need I go into Wednesday through Friday? Let's just say that Wednesday and Friday are similar to Monday and Thursday is exactly like Tuesday. The only real difference in the week is Friday where I do four loads of laundry and clean a tub/shower/sink and two toilets. Oh, Wednesday is garbage/recycling day so I get up early to get the containers out on the curb by 6amish. So that's my week in a nutshell. And yes, I do sometimes feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, were ever day seems the same. Maybe a vacation would be great.
Let's see, vacation, oh yeah, I remember last year where I went with Kandy and Makenna to Maui for 8 days. I say I went with them, because when you are a full-time parent and you go on vacation with your children, you're still a parent and have a job to do while you are on holiday. Kandy took a week off from the lighting business but I still got to do my job on vacation. I enjoyed Maui and would like to do more like that, but I felt guilty for wanting to go off on my own away from Kandy and Makenna sometimes, and I didn't feel that Kandy understood this.. For those of you with careers outside the home, try to imagine you going to Mexico and taking your laptop, cellphone, conference room, and clients with you. That's my vacation.
VIDEO: Makenna at 18 Months doing her ABCs
Milestones are great, and I look forward to are getting out of car seats and pull-up training pants. The logistics of sharing a car seat between two vehicles is tough sometimes, one because they grow to the next level quickly, and two, you can't really justify the $200 - $300 price tag of a second unit for such a short time. So the best thing is to work with it while you have to deal with it. At least when Makenna was younger, we had two base units, one in each vehicle, and we only had to lock in her carrier seat. But that is usually over by age one. I know this is nothing compared to the teenage years as we've already been through that, but at age 47, I can say that I have more patience and maturity, but I am also set in my old ways.
In the movie, Michael Keaton talks about yelling at one of his kids for coloring outside the lines, and that he and one of his other children watch the same TV shows and he is starting to like them. That's me! I just have to remind myself that this is all passing time and that it's definitely worth it. Our parents did it for us, and our children are our greatest joy in our lives. Makenna spoils me sometimes, she's so good. Check out her video link above and sign on to reply to posts to share your parenting experiences. Until next time, be safe and , oh, I have to go, someone just threw up on the carpet...argh! Breathe Don, just breathe.
Cheers,
Don (Aviator)
I say this because, Mr. Mom has become my life. A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to retire young from working for someone else and do my own thing. This is a common trait amongst Adult ADDers (see previous post on ADD) and after retiring from the ridged structure of Air Force life, I wanted something that wasn't so predictable and organized. I wanted to become an entrepreneur. But I also wanted to continue to bring home money and not retire to a recliner and television. So with the help of a mentor and friend, I developed a couple of investments to accent my military retirement pay to a level that kept the pressure of needing a 9-5 J. O. B. and all the stuff that comes with it. Life was great, I was actually getting up early, going to Edgefield for coffee, riding my road bike 40 - 50 miles every other day, and generally spending a lot of quality time with myself. That's not the case now.
Nothing is more rewarding than raising your own children at home, but it doesn't seem that way when you are dealing with it. Sometimes we don't recognize the joy and achievement of a task until we've past it and reflect back on the situation. I was thoroughly excited when we found out that we were pregnant with Makenna. Working from home and being the supporting spouse, I looked forward to the joy of being a Mr. Mom and had no problems preparing myself for this. I can say after three years of full-time work in this role, that it hasn't always been fun, but I still love it. As I mentioned in an earlier post, I fell and broke my leg on the day before Makenna's first birthday. That was fun, scootering around the house on a knee caddy with a baby on my arm all the time. I soon developed a supinator muscle condition in my right arm, a common injury with moms according to my orthopedist caring for my broken limb. That happened in winter, a season that often challenged my morale, especially when I was drinking liquid depressants. Being housebound with poopie diapers for three to six months is no fun at all! Even without the broken leg, I have gained a enormous amount of respect for stay-at-home moms of either gender. I'd have to say that things starting looking brighter again with the change in seasons and the healing of the wounds, and when Makenna started going to daycare/learning center half days, three days a week.
So here's my routine now:
Monday - Get Kandy and Makenna off to work and school, make beds, put away dishes and bathroom stuff, take out compost and garbage, play a video game, hit the gym by 10am, Starbucks at 11:45, pickup Makenna at 12:15, shop at Fred Meyer or Trader Joe's, put Makenna down for a nap, check in online with my gaming buddies, 4:30pm, get Makenna up, do pots and pans from night before, start dinner sometimes, and greet Kandy at the door to take her bag and coffee cup...sometimes kiss, kiss.
Tuesday - Get up, Makenna on potty, make juice and toast, Kandy off to work, Makenna dressed, all the other stuff in Monday's scheudle except for the video games and Makenna to school. 10:00am, Edgfield for coffee and oatmeal. Get outside when able, meet mom for lunch when able, etc., etc!
Need I go into Wednesday through Friday? Let's just say that Wednesday and Friday are similar to Monday and Thursday is exactly like Tuesday. The only real difference in the week is Friday where I do four loads of laundry and clean a tub/shower/sink and two toilets. Oh, Wednesday is garbage/recycling day so I get up early to get the containers out on the curb by 6amish. So that's my week in a nutshell. And yes, I do sometimes feel like I'm in Groundhog Day, were ever day seems the same. Maybe a vacation would be great.
Let's see, vacation, oh yeah, I remember last year where I went with Kandy and Makenna to Maui for 8 days. I say I went with them, because when you are a full-time parent and you go on vacation with your children, you're still a parent and have a job to do while you are on holiday. Kandy took a week off from the lighting business but I still got to do my job on vacation. I enjoyed Maui and would like to do more like that, but I felt guilty for wanting to go off on my own away from Kandy and Makenna sometimes, and I didn't feel that Kandy understood this.. For those of you with careers outside the home, try to imagine you going to Mexico and taking your laptop, cellphone, conference room, and clients with you. That's my vacation.
VIDEO: Makenna at 18 Months doing her ABCs
Milestones are great, and I look forward to are getting out of car seats and pull-up training pants. The logistics of sharing a car seat between two vehicles is tough sometimes, one because they grow to the next level quickly, and two, you can't really justify the $200 - $300 price tag of a second unit for such a short time. So the best thing is to work with it while you have to deal with it. At least when Makenna was younger, we had two base units, one in each vehicle, and we only had to lock in her carrier seat. But that is usually over by age one. I know this is nothing compared to the teenage years as we've already been through that, but at age 47, I can say that I have more patience and maturity, but I am also set in my old ways.
In the movie, Michael Keaton talks about yelling at one of his kids for coloring outside the lines, and that he and one of his other children watch the same TV shows and he is starting to like them. That's me! I just have to remind myself that this is all passing time and that it's definitely worth it. Our parents did it for us, and our children are our greatest joy in our lives. Makenna spoils me sometimes, she's so good. Check out her video link above and sign on to reply to posts to share your parenting experiences. Until next time, be safe and , oh, I have to go, someone just threw up on the carpet...argh! Breathe Don, just breathe.
Cheers,
Don (Aviator)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Attention Deficit Disorder and Me - A Self Realization.
Greetings from the "Forest" and welcome back to my blog page. I'm into the second month of my journey and I really miss good beer and wine, and all the associations that go with it. I loved the atmosphere of a brew pub and the taste of a full-bodied Arrogant Bastard Ale! I've only jokingly suggested that Kandy and I open a bottle of wine, but I'm really doing fine.
Some of you my have heard me tell people that I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I call it Double A, Double D. Up until a few months ago, I used this tag line to explain some of the things I'm challenged with and more accurately, I've never been formally diagnosed. But then in November of last year, Kandy and I were watching a show on public television called Add and Loving It! As the somewhat familiar comedian and actor was walking down the streets of Vancouver, BC with his wife, they both discussed some of the traits and behavior characteristics in Patrick's condition, and it was at that moment, that Kandy and I looked at each other and I said, "Hey, that sounds a lot like me."
Patrick in this special interest feature was Patrick McKenna, someone I recognized from the RED, GREEN show. I enjoyed the slapstick, dry humor of this show and caught up with a few seasons of it on Netflix. But in the moment of catching this show on PBS, I became aware that I couldn't overlook the obvious similarities to Patrick's behavior and my own. So I decided to do more research about ADD and realized that I'm pretty sure I have it.
First, lets talk about what ADD is. Attention Deficit Disorder is a commonly referred to label for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD. Two common types of ADHD are ADHD-I (Inattentive) and ADHD-H (Hyperactive). Without a professional diagnosis, I'd have to say that I have moderate ADHD-I with a slight history of hyperactivity probably related to sugar overdose as a child. Most of what I remember as Hyperactive Behavior was merely unrecognized passion about the subject in the moment. The danger of self-diagnosis isn't really a concern in my case as ADD in adults is a highly misunderstood subject and most adults with ADD usually have either been diagnosed through their children with ADD or had documented symptoms as a child as early as the age of seven. And to make matters worse, many experts disagree on the nature of ADD and it's associated behaviors. But more and more research and understanding is coming to light in recent years.
For most adults living with ADD, the condition varies as far as traits and symptoms go, but here are the most common ones recognized in me:
Looking back at the feedback I've received from Family, Friends, Supervisors, Coworkers and fellow students, I've frequently been called emotionally sensitive, passionate, exuberant, and I have unusually well developed problem solving skills. To boot, I love nature as it is been recognized to nurture persons with ADD in a therapeutic way. Expressing from within, I often feel the need to be stimulated, but I enjoy my down time too. I love to feel excitement and I change my pace often. I need to be able to innovate and I desire to create structure rather than to follow others' directions. This means I want to lead myself and develop my own program. It seems like I've selected a line of work suited for that as I manage my own aircraft hangar rental business and have almost total control in my business destiny. I have help from my partners and customers, and for the most parts, things are great!
For me, the possibility of having ADD isn't an excuse for who I am. I may have ADD but ADD doesn't have me. Perhaps now is a opportunity to say I'm sorry if I've challenged any of you in the past. I know this doesn't replace a formal heartfelt apology in person, but often I've wondered if I've exhaust my friendship bank account by withdrawing more than I've deposited. Understanding this, I'm not so worried about it and understand why some of my friends (and family) are challenged by me. The thought of social suicide has occurred to me, but moving away and making new friends only repeats the process and never solves anything. The better thing is to understand my disorder and work on the things I can effect.
Right now, I'm reading the book The Gift of Adult ADD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D. Subtitled with "How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths, I'm discovering more about ADD and how many successful people harnessed the power of their condition and turned the energy into huge accomplishments. In some eyes, I've achieved as much, and personally, I wouldn't change anything about my past or where I am right now. Sure I'd have done some things differently with the maturity and understanding I have now, but at the time, I made the best reactive decisions to address the conditions created by my initial impulsive behavior. In short, I've had to dig myself out of a few deep pits in the past. History proves that I might have more challenges ahead, but that's okay!
Well, the view from the forest is great. I've posted some photos from my perspective of the wilderness in recent years and I hope you enjoy the scenery. Keep reading and responding and share the message of this blog as you see fit. I welcome your feedback and comments and hope everyone has a great February.
Cheers,
Don (AKA Aviator)
Some of you my have heard me tell people that I have Adult Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). I call it Double A, Double D. Up until a few months ago, I used this tag line to explain some of the things I'm challenged with and more accurately, I've never been formally diagnosed. But then in November of last year, Kandy and I were watching a show on public television called Add and Loving It! As the somewhat familiar comedian and actor was walking down the streets of Vancouver, BC with his wife, they both discussed some of the traits and behavior characteristics in Patrick's condition, and it was at that moment, that Kandy and I looked at each other and I said, "Hey, that sounds a lot like me."
Patrick in this special interest feature was Patrick McKenna, someone I recognized from the RED, GREEN show. I enjoyed the slapstick, dry humor of this show and caught up with a few seasons of it on Netflix. But in the moment of catching this show on PBS, I became aware that I couldn't overlook the obvious similarities to Patrick's behavior and my own. So I decided to do more research about ADD and realized that I'm pretty sure I have it.
First, lets talk about what ADD is. Attention Deficit Disorder is a commonly referred to label for someone with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or ADHD. Two common types of ADHD are ADHD-I (Inattentive) and ADHD-H (Hyperactive). Without a professional diagnosis, I'd have to say that I have moderate ADHD-I with a slight history of hyperactivity probably related to sugar overdose as a child. Most of what I remember as Hyperactive Behavior was merely unrecognized passion about the subject in the moment. The danger of self-diagnosis isn't really a concern in my case as ADD in adults is a highly misunderstood subject and most adults with ADD usually have either been diagnosed through their children with ADD or had documented symptoms as a child as early as the age of seven. And to make matters worse, many experts disagree on the nature of ADD and it's associated behaviors. But more and more research and understanding is coming to light in recent years.
For most adults living with ADD, the condition varies as far as traits and symptoms go, but here are the most common ones recognized in me:
- I'm easily distracted by unimportant stimuli.
- I exhibit impulsive decision making.
- I'm prone to jump into a project without following directions.
- I'm likely to forget promises and commitments.
- I do drive too fast.
- I'm likely to struggle with paying attention in work and recreation.
- I'm generally disorganize, or I compulsively struggle to control the situation.
Looking back at the feedback I've received from Family, Friends, Supervisors, Coworkers and fellow students, I've frequently been called emotionally sensitive, passionate, exuberant, and I have unusually well developed problem solving skills. To boot, I love nature as it is been recognized to nurture persons with ADD in a therapeutic way. Expressing from within, I often feel the need to be stimulated, but I enjoy my down time too. I love to feel excitement and I change my pace often. I need to be able to innovate and I desire to create structure rather than to follow others' directions. This means I want to lead myself and develop my own program. It seems like I've selected a line of work suited for that as I manage my own aircraft hangar rental business and have almost total control in my business destiny. I have help from my partners and customers, and for the most parts, things are great!
For me, the possibility of having ADD isn't an excuse for who I am. I may have ADD but ADD doesn't have me. Perhaps now is a opportunity to say I'm sorry if I've challenged any of you in the past. I know this doesn't replace a formal heartfelt apology in person, but often I've wondered if I've exhaust my friendship bank account by withdrawing more than I've deposited. Understanding this, I'm not so worried about it and understand why some of my friends (and family) are challenged by me. The thought of social suicide has occurred to me, but moving away and making new friends only repeats the process and never solves anything. The better thing is to understand my disorder and work on the things I can effect.
Right now, I'm reading the book The Gift of Adult ADD by Lara Honos-Webb, PH.D. Subtitled with "How to Transform Your Challenges & Build on Your Strengths, I'm discovering more about ADD and how many successful people harnessed the power of their condition and turned the energy into huge accomplishments. In some eyes, I've achieved as much, and personally, I wouldn't change anything about my past or where I am right now. Sure I'd have done some things differently with the maturity and understanding I have now, but at the time, I made the best reactive decisions to address the conditions created by my initial impulsive behavior. In short, I've had to dig myself out of a few deep pits in the past. History proves that I might have more challenges ahead, but that's okay!
Well, the view from the forest is great. I've posted some photos from my perspective of the wilderness in recent years and I hope you enjoy the scenery. Keep reading and responding and share the message of this blog as you see fit. I welcome your feedback and comments and hope everyone has a great February.
Cheers,
Don (AKA Aviator)
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